We’ve been bamboozled!

In a typical movie or TV sex scene, women are historically shown to receive immense pleasure – and orgasms – through penetrative sex. Within a reasonable amount of time. Frustration free.

In reality, getting off this way couldn’t be more off the mark for the majority of vulva owners. According to studies, just 18.1% of women can orgasm from vaginal penetration, without clitoral stimulation.

Representing orgasms this way may have convinced us to expect the same results. When it doesn’t pan out that way, some women may feel that their body doesn’t work right; fake orgasms to meet expectations, or sacrifice their own “O” over and over again. That leaves a lot of pleasure programming to unravel, and some don’t start until midlife, if at all.

For the whopping 80% of women who cannot achieve climax without stimulating the clit, some may have given up on the G-spot orgasm altogether. Clit orgasms are awesome – and many women find them perfectly satisfactory during masturbation or partnered sex. Not everyone enjoys G-spot stimulation, and that is understandable, too.

If you are curious about the G-spot’s potential but aren’t sure how or why to try, keep reading.

What is the G-spot?

The G-spot, named after German scientist Ernst Gräfenberg, is a highly-sensitive area located about 1-3 inches inside the vaginal opening on the upper vaginal wall. The texture is described as bumpy (like a walnut), and it can swell during arousal. Some say that G-spot pleasure is a result of internal clitorial stimulation, as most of the clitoris resides inside the body. Using a “come hither” motion with one or two lubricated fingers can be one way to awaken the G-spot.

I was 36 years old when I decided to challenge what I believed to be true about my own G-spot. At the time, I was 15 years into my career as a pleasure products educator with infinite G-spot toys at my fingertips, yet I had never reached orgasm through internal stimulation. I did eventually find it – a result of multiple attempts, several hours, the right tools, and an unexpected mental shift.

Things we didn’t learn about G-spot orgasms

1: Time can be a huge component (or a barrier) of achieving G-spot orgasm. Truth is, you may not ever orgasm solely through penetration or G-spot massage – by yourself, or with a partner. Truly, time will tell. Racing against the clock, or feeling responsible for a partner’s pleasure (or orgasm) is counterintuitive to the G-spot’s unique love language. Set aside time intentionally for you and you alone, with no timeframe in mind. A G-spot orgasm will take as long as it takes – and that may be different every time.

2: Achieving a G-spot orgasm isn’t a linear process. It might require a sex toy (or five), and a combination of vigorous in-and-out thrusts; short, shallow penetration, side-to-side motions, or pinpointed tapping, in no particular order. Fingers and/or a penis might be effective for some, but they may only get you so far. A double-ended steel wand combines weight, precise shape, and texture that can be a trifecta for success. Ultimately, there isn’t a singular, or “right” way to stimulate the G-spot. Pleasure is pleasure.

3: The G-spot responds positively to pressure-free TLC, so relaxation is important to create a safe space for mind and body. During my second marathon attempt for a G-spot orgasm, something involuntary happened. My intuition spoke clearly and said, “you are deserving and capable. Let go of the pressure.” I didn’t question it, but it felt like a deeply-rooted subconscious block shifted out of the way and allowed my mind and body to relax. You have permission to squirm, to feel like a maniac while thrusting a toy six ways to Sunday, or to lose your orgasm over and over again.

Why should I care about my G-spot?

For some, G-spot stimulation can enhance sexual pleasure, intensify orgasms, or increase natural lubrication production. Ultimately, it’s not all about the “O,”or achieving a specific outcome. The mental journey might be more fulfilling than physical bliss, and that is something worth exploring.

Casey Murphy is a Certified Sex Educator, pleasure product expert, copywriter, and a marketing strategist for the sexual wellness industry. Web: thecaseymurphy.com IG: @thecaseymurphy