If you’ve been in an intimate situation and your partner has lost their erection, the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” or a similar sentiment may have been expressed, or implied.
Unfortunately, the default reaction for many partners is to become overwhelmed with personal insecurities. “Was it this bright lighting? The position my body was in? Morning breath? Am I losing my mojo?”
(No, nope, nuh-uh, and definitely not.)
Meanwhile, your partner is likely grappling with their own set of insecurities, shame, or embarrassment. An enjoyable encounter can go from awesome to awkward in zero to sixty.
Experiencing the loss of an erection during intimacy might feel unsettling, but it is extremely common. No matter what those dark thoughts try to convince you, try not to take it personally.
Why?
Because it’s not you, it’s age.
Age and erectile (dys)function
Erectile dysfunction is defined as “the ability to maintain or achieve an erection” – and it can technically happen at any age. However, more frequent penis problems can start happening as early as 40. On average, nearly 40% of 40-year old men are affected by sexual dysfunction, and that statistic increases by 10% for every decade to follow. 50% by 50, 60% by age 60, etc.
Roughy 10% of erectile dysfunction issues are psychological or emotional – a result of stress, performance anxiety or depression. Psychological factors are more common for men under 40. 90% of erectile issues are typically linked to other medical conditions that can include diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, Peyronie’s disease, high blood pressure, or obesity to name a few.
A myriad of factors can contribute to penis challenges in the bedroom, but thankfully, there are equally numerous ways to navigate and address it.
What to do if your partner is losing their erections
1: Eliminate a specific end goal.
Penetration, orgasm, ejaculation, an erect penis – or even a flaccid penis – are required to enjoy sex or intimacy. Removing the goal of orgasm or ejaculation can help relieve pressure from both partners. Sensate Focus is an excellent technique that can help both partners be fully present in their bodies during intimacy.
2: Act with compassion.
Showing increased understanding can help ease any strain or tension in your relationship. Engaging in open conversations, expressing your emotions honestly, and being receptive to your partner’s feelings can foster teamwork.
3: Seek professional support.
Occasional ED typically isn’t a cause for concern. However, if it becomes a regular occurrence or distressing for either partner, it’s time to consult with a medical professional. Depending on the specific concern, a urologist is ideal for genital issues, and an endocrinologist specializes in hormonal systems. Aside from medical treatment, there are additional holistic avenues that can help maintain male vitality and boost male libido naturally.
As we gracefully journey into our middle years and beyond, all bodies experience natural shifts that may impact our sexual wellbeing. While they may be challenging at times, these life transitions can be an opportunity to enhance intimacy, sexual satisfaction, and come together with our partners. Literally and figuratively.
Casey Murphy is a certified sex educator, pleasure product expert, copywriter, and a marketing strategist for the sexual wellness industry. Learn more about her work at thecaseymurphy.com or @thecaseymurphy.
Photos: Shutterstock
This article is for informational purposes only, even if and regardless of whether it features the advice of physicians, medical practitioners or health & wellness experts. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.
