We’ve all been there: the spark in a relationship that once felt like a roaring bonfire has dimmed to a faint flicker.

The truth is losing the “spark” happens in most long-term relationships. As common as this is, we tend to avoid the conversation altogether because finding our way back to one another can feel like a daunting process that we aren’t equipped to navigate.

The good news is that there are a plethora of ways to help rekindle the spark in your relationship—and keep it burning.

1: Commit to the journey.

While it may not seem sexy to schedule time together, a shared calendar dedicated to “us time” can be a game-changer. What is your ideal frequency for couples activities or physical intimacy? Schedule it on a calendar or use a couples scheduling app. Sex, self-care, and sleep are the first things to go when life gets hectic. Break that cycle, and commit to seeing this through. Ultimately, reigniting the spark in your relationship requires effort, trust, and open communication. Maintaining it demands consistency.

2: Create a wish list.

Each partner creates a separate wish list of activities to explore together. (I know there is at least one thing you have been itching to try.) Maybe you’re curious to introduce lube, or try a new sex position. Once you’ve finished your lists, compare them. Do you share any mutual fantasies? Determine what consensual activities you’re both on board with and implement them. Schedule your wish list items on your calendar, one at a time. A few ideas for inspiration:

• Sex-free cuddling
• Brush up on sex techniques
• Light bondage
• Erotic board games
• Intimate Q & A
• Sensory play (wax massage candles, ice cubes, etc.)

Hot tip: Talking about what you want may come easiest right after sex when you are lying together, happy and vulnerable.

3: Re-frame foreplay.

How you make your partner feel loved, heard, and supported on a day-to-day basis has a major impact on their desire (and arousal). It is so important to understand that foreplay isn’t limited to the bedroom. Small, caring acts will maintain excitement and anticipation, starting at the end of the previous orgasm. Set the mood before you hit the sheets.

Here’s some homework:

• Send a suggestive voice memo or text during the day.
• Write a sultry note and leave it on the bathroom mirror.
• Caress their neck, arms or scalp when you’re watching TV.
• Cook a meal together. Playfully lick the sauce off of each other’s fingers.

Some may compare the “spark” to the roller-coaster thrill of a new relationship. Some may define it as a cozy tingle, like drinking a cup of hot chocolate on a chilly day.

How do you define the “spark,” and how does that feel emotionally and physically to you and your partner? Once you paint that picture, hold the vision and dive in.

(Psst…if you needed a sign to take the leap and try a couple’s toy, this is it!)

Casey Murphy is a certified sex educator, pleasure product expert, copywriter, and a marketing strategist for the sexual wellness industry. Learn more about her work at thecaseymurphy.com or @thecaseymurphy.

Photos: Shutterstock 

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